I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
