yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
