Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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