Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
