Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
