cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
