We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
