how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize