youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize