I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
