I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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