i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize