Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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