Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
