Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
