your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
