ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
