that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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