i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
