Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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