I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
