I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
