Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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