guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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