chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
