I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
