fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
