Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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