We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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