I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
