I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
