you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
