I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
