You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
