He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
