Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
