Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
