Cold hands, warm shart.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
