i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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