Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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