You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
