Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
