Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
where am i from again
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
