My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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