The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize