I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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