we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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