God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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