All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
