I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
