Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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