before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
