apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
