idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
time to smoke my breakfast
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
