You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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