I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
