How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
