Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
