im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
