I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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