i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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