There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
