How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
