i was born a porn star she said
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize