My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
