I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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