dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
