it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
