It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I currently don't understand fingers.
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