This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
