Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
