I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize